R: 12 / I: 1
I love subjugating peoples and forging empires. Every morning I get up and cannot figure out how it is even possible that some peoples or territories are not yet a part of Russia. In the USSR, there were over 200 peoples. I ask you: Why the fuck are there so few? These are not numbers one can be proud of. Not even close to a decent amount. Mediocre. I look at a map and it drives me mad. Why are 5/6ths of all the land on earth not under the control of the Kremlin? There are still many independent peoples living there. For now, let them take a breath of freedom, we'll get them eventually. Some Englishmen and Germans are discussing iPhones and cars, and I do not understand: What the fuck is this? An iPhone? One shot from an assault rifle and there’s no more iPhone. A car? A tank will crush it without even noticing it. They consider these things to be valuable, but to me they’re useless pieces of shit and a waste of important military resources. Now, a tank or a jet fighter? That's something valuable! No one will disagree, especially when you drop a bomb or fire off a shell with the cannon. And all these clothes! The shops are full of them! But why wear these when you can wear camo? It is convenient, practical and you can do anything in it. Even when you’re in mud that’s all the way up to your ears, you’ll still look good. And then there’s the shoes and all the other unnecessary crap. Just put your combat boots on and forget everything else. How can they even continue chattering so airily, when there are so many unconquered territories all around? I cannot comprehend this! This thought does not let me sleep at night, I toss and turn in bed because of the constant anxiety. In my mind exist plans of annexations, geostrategic alliances, international intrigue and human wave attacks, shoulder to shoulder with madmen like myself. Fuck your cozy bedroom. You can only get a good night’s sleep after long march or a battle, sleeping in a tent out in the open air, being stung by mosquitoes. Fuck the perfume on my greatcoat. Instead, give me the smell of napalm in the morning. It's much better and it invigorates me greatly. Some people write symphonies, others paint pictures, but I I'm born to conquer peoples - peacefully or otherwise. I'm Russian, I will never change. If there are more than three Russians in one place, a mini-empire is immediately created there. You may think you’ve won, but in just a few short years we are once again threatening the entire world with total devastation. It may seem to you that the war is over, but that was just a small phase of it. Our General Staff simply takes a short break, analyzes it’s mistakes and we’re rushing back into the action in no time. You can dismantle us once every 20 years if you want. Some nations may be free for a time, but this only is a temporary phenomenon - just a respite for them. We will still recreate the Empire, we will eradicate the newly conquered peoples’ passion for iPhones, tin boxes, and warm sheets and they will join our ranks, devoting their lives to uniting the world under our flag. All of you will collapse and shatter from said events, and we will carefully assemble all your pieces and add them to our super-state. One day, this planet will be united under one leadership and it is better for you to start negotiating with us about preferential treatment right now, before it’s too late. When we do finally conquer this unfortunate planet, after a super-nano-armor-wearing descendant of mine in sticks the Russian flag into the last patch of unconquered soil, then the inhabitants of the other corners of the universe better start learning Russian.